Random Thoughts by Ktownbuddha

So we are at PDAC.  I'm not sure if I have talked about this much here, but Daniela was extremely controlling and manipulative when it came to what I ate.  I have struggled to eat at all since mid March.  I'm down a shit ton of weight and it hasn't been healthy.  For some reason the mental block coms with me cooking.  I used to love to cook.  Lately I have been totally unable to and the thought of being in the kitchen triggers me, makes me feel like shit, and I normally end up in tears.  That being said I have learned that I can eat when I go out, or at other people's houses.  Not sure why that is, but I am working through that with my therapist. Anyhow, fast forward to Toronto and PDAC, and my stomach has been on a wild ride.  All different foods and cuisines, bread, cream, fat etc etc.  My stomach has been killing me.  My mouth loves it, the body less so.  It will adjust but it's been interesting.  

I spoke with a colleague about what had happened, and one of my best friends.  It was nice to vent it out and get it off my chest.  I keep getting the feeling that I have done something to deserve this but I know it's not true.  One of the best things is that I love following rules.  I find rules helpful because I know how to behave and what to do in a given situation.  She is no longer allowed to contact me, and I'm not allowed to contact her either.  For some reason I find that to be a relief.  I do feel shame that the police had to get involved though.  I understand that this isn't a reflection on me, it's a reflection on her need to control everything.  I also understand that the people she surrounds herself with aren't good people either and that she isn't receiving the best support or advice.  My friends would never let me behave the way that she is. I was flipping through Instagram yesterday and something came up about Peter Pan syndrome.  It perfectly su