Random Thoughts by Ktownbuddha

People think that the reason I was so upset after the breakup was due to Daniela.  It was a bit, but it was about so much more.   About a week before she walked out on our relationship, I had come to so deeper realizations about my childhood and life.  It was full on trauma.  There were lots of things I was dealing with and in fact still am, and will be for awhile.  I discussed some of this with Daniela at the time, and I've uncovered more about it since then.  Her walking out on me and our relationship was a trigger of me feeling abandoned and alone since I was a kid.  I felt truly and utterly alone and worthless once again. Throw in trying to deal with ending a relationship with somebody who has zero ability to handle conflict, controlling, unhealed trauma, has narcissistic tendencies and it's a recipe for disaster.  She was and is a beautiful person on the outside.  I honestly believe our relationship was too much for her.  She h...

My weekends used to be full.  Well planned out, and normally busier than I would like.  I have gone from that to nothing.  I normally have very few things that I need to do, or events that I need to go to.  While once I was content, and even happy for this, I am now lonely and bored.  Good thing I have this hike to train for, otherwise I may not see anybody over the course of a weekend.  My people are back to being busy and scheduled, and I'm left on the outside looking in.   I don't want to busy myself just to be busy, I want to be busy doing things I love and enjoy.  Most people I know their social activities revolve around alcohol.  I really don't want to do that either.  I need to expand my circle of friends and people to do things with.  Dating is filling up some of that, but man how I wish that Daniela could have been the person I thought she was, instead of the person who she turned into being.  My fault, I ignored ...