Random Thoughts by Ktownbuddha

Lately I have been going to therapy every two weeks.  Before getting blown up by Daniela Sosa I went once every 4 weeks.  The increased frequency is really holding me accountable to doing the work.   I have almost finished the book about Healing the Shame that Binds You.  It's a good book, and a lot of it applies to me.  I need to embrace my younger self and cherish it and tell him that it will be ok.  My childhood was not ok.  I'm hoping to finish that book this weekend and then get onto my other two tasks that I have been putting off for awhile. I need to write a list of things I like about myself as well as write a letter to Daniela (not to be sent, to be read to my therapist) letting going of my anger.   Dealing with a partner like Daniela Sosa absolutely destroyed me. She took pleasure at the end in ripping me to shreds.  She took zero responsibility for her behaviour and in fact blamed me.  During the last several months of therapy I have been able to determine that she i

 So I've been dating.  Or rather I've been trying to date.  I'm confused and lost.  I go out with these women, they are very nice and very kind and I have some fun.  Good conversations but I don't feel anything.  I don't mean that I'm not attracted to them, I mean I'm going through the motions.  The one from several weeks ago keeps popping in my mind.  She was smart.  I'm not sure if she met somebody else, or if life just happened.  Life can be a real bitch. I keep thinking I'm going to run into Daniela.  I've been out and about more.  I'm sure it will happen at some point.  I try not to shrink when I'm out, and try to think about spreading my shoulders and claiming my space.  That's what I want to do.  Claim myself back.  Fuck what she put me through.