Random Thoughts by Ktownbuddha

Let's see where this rant takes us.  Daniela Sosa is a covert narcissist.  She worked her magic on me hard.  Every time I think I'm over it and able to move on, my mind gets me sucked back in.  I'm also starting to see that certain people take advantage of me and I'm not standing for it anymore.  I'm not chasing people to be in my life.  If you don't want to be part of it then fine.  I won't be asking people to do things anymore.  Invite me or fuck off.  

I thought I was on a path to getting over all of this.  I had the trash the kitchen party over the weekend, in an attempt to reclaim the kitchen.  It felt ok, but I'm not sure what I expected.  I have been using the kitchen for it and since so I guess it worked.  Eating is not going to be my strong point ever.  Daniela Sosa destroyed that. You may wonder why I use her name.  I do because I don't want to shy away from the person who was the mastermind to my destruction.  I feel both angry and sad towards her.  Angry for what she did to me, and sadness for who she really is.  I have a hard time believing that she is that person.  I know she is but that is truly sad.  She will never be really happy.  She will always be in a cycle of love bombing and abuse.  I'd hate that.  Anyhow I need to write more, I need to read my therapy books, meet some new people, and find my happiness again.  So many people want to be around me and care for me, but I just want to hide.  

I'm not sure what to call this yet.  That woman I went on a date with probably a month ago or so, keeps getting stuck in my head.  I'm not sure what her reasons were to not wanting to go on a 3rd date were but I do respect her wishes.  It just seems like she was a lot of fun and smart and it would have been interesting to get to know her better. Whatever it is, I wish her the best. I've gone on several dates with a woman recently.  She is nice, funny and the conversations flow easily.  I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her though.  I think it's me though.  I don't think I'm ready to date seriously yet.  I think I'm still a bit messed up from dealing with Daniela the narcissist.