Random Thoughts by Ktownbuddha

Therapy has saved my life this year.  Without my therapist and a group of friends, I'd have killed myself.  The abuse and carnage that was my relationship with Daniela Sosa was indescribable.  The way she blew things up, used everything I had told her in confidence against me was soul destroying.  We almost need a therapy group for people who have dated her.  I'm sure everybody has a similar story. So the dating a narcissist (cover narcissist in this case), and then the ending of the relationship, will bring back up every piece of trauma that you have ever encountered in your life.  It will make you confront every ounce of past trauma that you have ever experienced.  In the end this is a good thing because you will be further along your heeling than you were before, but the process is crushing. Soul destroying.  So many tears.  So many thoughts of why you are still here, because in the end why are you still doing this? How many times have I thought about my plan?  How many time

Lately I have been going to therapy every two weeks.  Before getting blown up by Daniela Sosa I went once every 4 weeks.  The increased frequency is really holding me accountable to doing the work.   I have almost finished the book about Healing the Shame that Binds You.  It's a good book, and a lot of it applies to me.  I need to embrace my younger self and cherish it and tell him that it will be ok.  My childhood was not ok.  I'm hoping to finish that book this weekend and then get onto my other two tasks that I have been putting off for awhile. I need to write a list of things I like about myself as well as write a letter to Daniela (not to be sent, to be read to my therapist) letting going of my anger.   Dealing with a partner like Daniela Sosa absolutely destroyed me. She took pleasure at the end in ripping me to shreds.  She took zero responsibility for her behaviour and in fact blamed me.  During the last several months of therapy I have been able to determine that she i

 So I went on a 2nd date with a lovely woman.  It had been about 3 weeks since our first date and I think that was a good thing.  It gave me perspective.  We had both been busy and she has two children so she doesn't have a ton of free time.  I understand that and respect it.  Now then, she asked me a very important question, have I dated a woman with kids before.  Well of course I have "dated" women with kids, but I have never had a serious relationship with somebody who has kids.  It does bring up a lot of interesting questions.  I'm not sure how that would work, or if it would be what I want.  That being said, it seems silly to exclude an entire population of people just because they have children. My goal of the date was to have some fun, be authentic and try to stay present.  I really struggle with being present.  I'm so good at faking that I'm there and going with the motions.  I've lived my whole life that way.  Ugh.  Anyhow we had a lovely evening,